What it's really like ....

I just laid the babies down for a nap, got dinner going in the crock pot, and caught up on some blogs. Phew. A few minutes to myself that is very deeply needed. 

I love, love, love my sweet family but damn this is hard. 

I knew that it was going to be rough once the babies arrived (I was warned by everyone and asked daily "are you going to have help?") but actually living it is something else. There are amazing moments filled with joy and there are down-right awful moments where I am still in my pajamas, covered in milk/poop/pee/spit-up, crying on my bed while I have 3 crying children in the next room (yes- this happens more than you think!) 

I am blessed to have a wonderful support system. I can not explain how fortunate I am to have my hubby Nick. He is amazing. When he is home, he will tell me he is taking over for awhile and let me go sleep. He is so involved with Reagan and makes sure to give him  special time when I am busy and can't.  He still wakes up and helps me doing night feedings even though he has to go to work in the morning. He is awesome. 

 I am so fortunate to have my mom living  so close as well.  I can call her when I need help and she is down at my house in no time. For example, this past Saturday night Reagan started throwing up and was really sick. Of course the minute this happened, both babies woke up starving and were screaming bloody murder.  They needed to be fed, burped, changed into jammies, and laid back down to bed.  Reagan needed to be cleaned up and bathed.  The house needed to be cleaned from where Reagan got sick too.  There was so much to do and Nick and I needed help.  So I called my mom (who was getting ready for bed).  She came over immediately in her jammies and started feeding and consoling the babies. Thank the Lord. She continues to watch Reagan twice a week which gives him 2 days of undivided attention and gives me time with the babies. (It's no wonder he is obsessed with her. I swear, he cries every day because he wants to go back to her house and be with her. It breaks my heart but I know how special he is making him feel when we are really struggling.) 

Speaking of Reagan. Wow. He is still having a hard time adjusting. Or at least that's what I hope is causing his bad behavior. He has tantrums that rival any of the terrible twos. He disobeys and doesn't seem to care about the consequence.  For example, last night we came in from an evening walk and I put the babies' carriers by the laundry room.  Reagan walked by the dryer and hit it hard.  It told him not to do it again because it might wake the babies.  He looked right at me and pounded it even harder with a big smirk on his face. Oh my word. Trouble. 

I have only taken 2 trips out of the house alone with the babies.  They are 6 weeks old. That is insane! But it is such a task to take them anywhere it overwhelms the heck out of me.  Our first trip was to Buy Buy Baby.  I loaded Harper in the Moby carrier and put Hudson's carseat into the shopping cart.  They were really good as I shopped.  But the second I got them back  into the van, they both started wailing at the top of their lungs.  All I could do was laugh. If I didn't I would cry.  The second trip was to the mall to get a dress for Harper for the Christmas card picture. I had both babies in the double stroller.  That thing is a beast. I'm not even joking when I tell you I knocked over 2 displays at Children's place and needed help getting around in Gymboree. Hudson slept the whole time but Harper fussed and ultimately cried until  I pulled over and held her.  I decided it was close enough to lunch time and started feeding her. Then I decided I didn't want them to be off for their feedings, so I put her back in the stroller and fed them both simultaneously.I became a circus show and had many people coming over to watch (umm please leave us alone), ask if they were twins (duh), and tell me their experiences (I don't care at the moment). 

There was this one lady though.  She came up to me with tears in her eyes and told me how blessed I was. She said she tried her whole life to have a baby and couldn't.  She said she knows I'm probably stressed and tired but to please remember how lucky I am to have these 2 little babies to hold.  (If I wasn't in the middle of burping a baby I would have hugged her. Bless her heart.)

She is right. It's hard as hell right now, but I am blessed.